10 February 2012

The Truth About Bishop Gene Robinson

Our Seventh Fool's Hall of Shame Inductee is
Bishop Gene Robinson

Fool's Hall of Fame

The 2nd Commandment of Gay Rights Activism:
Thou shalt not treat thy moral crusade like a political campaign. Thou shalt not value the welfare of political parties over the welfare of LGBT folk, nor shalt thou bind the equality movement to any political party.

The old farts are always the worst ones! They hang around for a hella long time, and just when you think they’re finally played out, that fuggly stank comes wafting up again from an unexpected place.  An odiferous case-in-point: Retired Episcopal Bishop Gene Robinson! Speaking from his cozy same-sex household in Concord, New Hampshire, Robinson recently indulged his habit of playing armchair political strategist.  This time, he did so for the benefit of Advocate reporter Andrew Harmon:

The Rt. Rev. V. Gene Robinson, who nearly a decade ago became the first openly Gay bishop in the Episcopal Church and will retire his vestments in less than a year (shares a) home . . . with his husband, Mark Andrew . . . regarding Obama’s position on Gay marriage . . . Bishop Robinson has taken a pragmatist’s approach to the man for whom he provided a pastoral counterbalance to . . . (Rev.) Rick Warren at the 2009 inauguration.

Robinson was a tool back then, and he’s still a damn tool! Get a load what kind of “pragmatism” he’s peddling:

He believes it may not be helpful for Obama to endorse marriage equality prior to November . . . “I have to say I’m sympathetic to the notion that for him to openly support marriage equality before the election would complicate an already difficult task,” he says. Were he asked to advise the President on the issue, (he would) ”push him hard to go all the way to marriage equality in his second administration.”

Hurry up and wait, Gay Americans! Subject your equality aspirations to the whims of partisan politics.  Treat Gay Rights advocacy as if it were something shameful, something a leader must engage in on the sly.  Forget  that your fight against heterosexist public policy is a moral crusade.  Bishop Robinson decrees it, and you know he speaks for God (as well as any other divine entities you might answer to)!

. . . Robinson, 64, has been actively following the campaign rhetoric, even as he tends to an unrelenting schedule of leading the state’s parishes, finishing a book on marriage, and helping to launch a non-violence project in Washington, DC . . . the program may mean an upcoming move to the nation's capital.

Sniff! Sniff! Does my sensitive Stuffed Animal snout detect personal political ambition around the edges of that old fart?

With Jon Huntsman a bright exception, Robinson says, the social-Conservative-pandering candidates have faced an inspiring “buzzsaw” of opposition on their LGBT positions from young people and State voters . . . this, despite a continued, confusing push in the (New Hampshire) legislature to repeal marriage equality and revert marriages of same-sex couples such as Robinson and Andrew back to Civil Unions (the state had officially upgraded Civil Unions to marriages a year ago) . . .

Now, that’s the way to win equal partnership rights! Wait patiently for your Gay-friendly legislators to process a Civil Union upgrade. Of course, if your legislature isn’t Gay-friendly, even Civil Unions aren’t on its agenda; but optimism is called for here!  Little by little, American culture is changing.  Let’s chart a timeline for how long it will take most Bible Belt States to jump on board the equality train. Goodness gracious me! We’re going to need a lot more graph space . . .

. . . but with that cultural shift . . . comes a backlash strategy by social Conservative groups that Robinson finds both ridiculous and masterful: Sounding the alarm that religious liberty is threatened by LGBT rights . . . (Robinson) believes that (this) rhetoric . . . plays into socially Conservative religious voters’ confusion (of) pain (with) oppression. (He says) ”I have no doubt that Fundamentalist people are in pain over the changes they see in our culture . . . the LGBT community being among them . . .”

Feel their pain!  Pity the suffering of those poor theocrats, pressured to treat all us LGBT heathen as fully enfranchised American citizens! This is what’s called sympathy for the Devil!

(Robinson believes) “We have a lot of work to do, because they are not yet ready to accord us the same rights, responsibilities, and privileges as the rest of the citizenry.”

Never mind that every citizen's rights, responsibilities and privileges are enshrined in the US Constitution.  It’s our job to convince these Neanderthals to treat us equally.  They're our superiors, and we must endeavor to appeal to their merciful natures.  How should we do it? Should we crawl to them on our knees? Should we collectively assume Uncle Tom begging posture? Should we bow down Muslim style, touching our humbled foreheads to the ground? Oh, please, Massah!  Please!  All us n*ggas wants ta do is jump ovah dat li’l ol’ broom . . .

The lingering, fartlike odor of what some call pragmatism, and what I call incrementalism, continues to foul the Gay Rights movement!  Politically ambitious activists argue that we mustn’t be too demanding. God forbid we inconvenience our elected allies! We must deliberate and negotiate and compromise with them. Take it slow, and maintain access to power at all costs: It’s about showing your face, not pushing the pace!

Reforms can be realized in piecemeal fashion, but not until a majority of voters are “ready” for them. Strategy must move along strictly partisan Democrat lines, and our “marginal” Gay issues must always take a back seat to “mainstream” Straight concerns. We shouldn’t petition the courts. We shouldn’t make strong moral appeals. We shouldn’t create scenes in the streets. We should never raise angry voices to Democrats. On the contrary: Shuffle, chillun! Buck your eyes and grin! Bend over backwards to please!  Let’s all practice doing the Handkerchief Head dance for President Obama!

Here’s my response to Gay people who recommend waging an equality struggle with no urgency: If you’re content to sit back and wait until “the right time” for equal rights has come, then you don’t really want equality that bad; and if you don’t want equality bad enough to demand it, then you f*cking don’t deserve it!!!

Gene Robinson doesn’t seem to want anything very bad except to raise his own public profile. He is a shameless appeaser! Would you believe that, after his own elevation to bishop catapulted him to Progressive icon status, he supported an Episcopal Church moratorium on openly Gay cleric ordinations? In light of that bombshell, his conservatism in regard to marriage reform is no surprise. Yet dude is always serving up his opinions on Gay Rights, as if we should regard him as some kind of equality movement elder statesman. He doesn’t rate that kind of respect! Nor, in my opinion, does he deserve his clerical title, his current marital status or his reputation as a trailblazer. Trailblazers are visionaries, bold and driven and determined. They don’t seek to prolong an unsatisfactory status quo. They aren't half-assed “pragmatists”!

The more layers get peeled back on Bishop Robinson’s character, the less of a principled human being you see. If you’re looking for another Martin Luther King, Jr, don’t look in his direction! Where is the man’s spine? Has he no moral courage at all? I know our Lord said blessed are the meek, but last I heard, the obsessive desire to ingratiate yourself with the powerful didn’t qualify as meekness! It smacks of instincts that are far less honorable.

Wouldn’t it have been great if the Episcopal Church’s first openly Gay ordained bishop had been a firebrand? A righteous warrior? A fearless leader cast in the mold of the Savior, who followed in His truth-telling footsteps? Instead, the gate-crasher turned out to be a gatekeeper in disguise: A cringing, craven, sopping wet Spongebob of a person who’s so deferential to power, he makes Aunt Thank-You-Ma’am look like the Incredible Hulk! What miserable, self-serving complacency: To bask in the privileges bold equality activism has won for him (legal marriage, ordination, celebrity) even while he cautions against such activism! Flaunting his kiss-ass House Negro ethics right under our noses . . . it’s the foulest-smelling fart there is!

Aunt Thank-You-Ma'am

I first saw what a disappointment Gene Robinson was during the aforementioned 2008 inaugural, when he let Obama use him to “balance” Rick Warren’s Bible bigotry. Since when can one false prophet make another one look better? I accuse Robinson of false prophecy because he failed to evoke the Christ’s name on this special occasion. He explicitly refused to do so out of fear that he might “offend” Americans of other faiths! See my January 2009 Christ, The Gay Martyr post titled “Anytime You’re Ready”, Part Four:

He told The New York Times how "horrified" he was that past inaugural prayers had been "aggressively" directed at Jesus Christ.   Dude promised that his prayer would "not be a Christian prayer", and would instead address "the God of our many understandings."  In essence, the Bishop offered a blessing on behalf of multiple deities!  Some folks call that kind of pulpit pandering "interfaith" outreach, but I call it by its true name: Idolatry!  This is a religious leader worthy of my respect? I should stoop so low! He’s the kind of worthless convert about which the Lord said:

REVELATIONS 3: 15 – 16
“I know your works. (I know) that you are neither cold nor hot. I wish that you were either cold or hot! So, because you are lukewarm . . . I am about to spit you out of my mouth!”

Robinson is a major embarrassment to both Christianity and Gay Rights activism; instead of giving interviews to the Gay press, the mousy little creature ought to run somewhere and hide! The ideal reward for such rank cretinism would be a bandanna-colored T-shirt with the words Handkerchief Head embroidered on it! Unfortunately, customized T-shirts just aren’t in the production budget right now; an induction plaque for the Dumb Dora Fool’s Hall of Shame will have to substitute.

You’ll notice is the first time we’ve inducted someone into the Fool’s Hall of Shame who hadn’t won a Dumb Dora Award before. Heretofore, let it be known that transgressors are automatically eligible for our supreme dishonor if they break one of God’s Ten Commandments in addition to behaving shamefully!  In Bishop Robinson’s case, the broken Commandment was the very first: You shall have no other gods before Me . . . you shall neither bow down to them nor serve them.

Pachucas, would you please usher Bishop Robinson offstage? ¡Házlo muy rápido!  Dude is stinking up the place big time! Also, ask maintenance to switch the amphitheatre's ventilation system to air-freshener mode . . . ahhh! The masking aroma of burnt cannabis blossoms . . . much better! Now that it´s safe to breathe again, let’s get a groove going! Doña Buffy, por favor . . . have Mariachi Lowrider play “Evil Ways”. That number has a bitchin’ boogaloo rhythm that’s great for Handkerchief Head dancing! ¡Vaya! There’s no house band hotter than the one we got! Foolkiller, if I didn’t know better, I’d swear you were Carlos Santana, romancing that Gibson SG Special he played at Woodstock. It’s unbelievable, the things you can do with that customized squeezebox of yours!

Are you old enough to remember the “Donny and Marie” TV show? No, not that stank chat show they hosted in 1998! I’m talking about The Osmonds’ original musical variety series circa 1977.  Remember how every telecast closed with a gigantic party scene: Confetti, streamers, balloons, everybody dancing and singing? That’s how they did glitter-bombing back in the ‘70s,  darlings!  And that’s how we’re gonna go out tonight. I’m so happy about the Zoot Suit Muchachas joining our staff that, dammit, I want to celebrate! So get up and boogie, y’all! Dance and sing along with us.  These updated lyrics to a Latin Rock classic are dedicated to Roland Martin and Tracy Morgan:

You got to change your evil ways, 
¡Pinche baboso!
Dissing Gay people just won’t do
You got to change, 
¡Pendejo feo!
Show just one face instead of two

You say you’re sorry, but you’re lying
It's so easy to tell
If you don’t put that sh*t on hold
Your ass is going to Hell!

Lord knows, you got to change*

As I said earlier tonight, we introduced the Handkerchief Head dance at our 9th awards ceremony. If you didn’t attend, you probably won’t know the steps, but fear not! Our sexy new hostesses will teach you how, and believe me, the Muchachas rock even harder than the Sacred Sisterhood did! Just follow their lead! Protrude your nalgas! Buck your eyes! Let your backbone turn to jelly! The Dumb Dora Awards is where embarrassing House Negro antics like these are given their due.

The Handkerchief Head Dance

Would you believe that even now, a fresh batch of buffoons is in the process of being nominated? Before you know it, we’ll be back here at Knucklehead College, shaming the lamebrained once again. Something tells me our 12th gala is gonna be a real putamadre, one hot mess after another! You’ll never forgive yourselves if you miss it, darlings . . . so make sure you don´t.  !Hasta la próxima!

*“Evil Ways/Malas Costumbres” by Clarence “Sonny” Henry, with additional lyrics by Los Hermanos Cochinada, © copyright 1967 Richcar Music Corporation/Universal Songs of Polygram International (BMI)